


The Looks of Intimacy

by TheSocietalMisfit



Category: This Is Us (TV)
Genre: F/M, Inspired by This Is Us (TV), Post-Season/Series 04, References to eating disorders, this is us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-29
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:54:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24442411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSocietalMisfit/pseuds/TheSocietalMisfit
Summary: I had just started a drinking problem and told her the thought of having a future with her felt like a nightmare. Emphasis on the part where kids are a part of that nightmare.Oh boy did I make a mistake telling Madison to give this guy a chance.A look at all of the roles Kevin and Madison play in each other's lives from the lens of Dr. Mason
Relationships: Kevin Pearson/Madison Simons
Comments: 16
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Dedicated to the Kevison group chat. This is my first fic so feel free to give constructive criticism
> 
> P.S. All of my knowledge of bulimic pregnancies came from YT and google searches. So if I say something inaccurate, I apologize

When I told my patient Madison to give the father of her child a chance to be himself never in a million years did I think it would be the Manny‘s Kevin Pearson. Okay maybe not a million, we do still live in LA, but even so the odds were pretty unlikely. When she walked into her next appointment with him by her side, I understood her hesitation. If I had to tell a rich movie star that I barely know that I was pregnant with their child, I’d probably be scared too. But almost immediately after the first ultrasound appointment with him there I recognize something in his eyes. Something that reassured me I gave her the right advice the last time she confided in me.

“Before we get started, I have a question to ask…”

“Um Doc, Imma have to stop you right there. Now I know you probably want an autograph and usually I wouldn't mind, but now I think it's best if we take care of that after the appointment"

“Actually Mr.Pearson, my question was if you two would like to take pictures home of today's sonogram,” I assured him.

“Right of course, I was just joking.” he said but I could tell he was not joking. 

“I would actually like one, and I'm not talking about an autograph,” said Madison looking at Kevin for the last part. 

“Haha. And I would like one too please,” said Kevin

“Okay now that we got whatever that was out of the way let’s look at our little buns in the oven today”, I said as I prepared the gel for the ultrasound. 

“HA. Buns in the oven, I get it.” Madison's nervous laugh slows down. “I’m sorry I’m being weird”

“You have nothing to apologize for”

“It’s just…” she looks over at the father to be.

Kevin notices his appearance has something to do with the shift of awkwardness in the room. Suddenly the charismatic movie star who’s probably used to being welcome in any room he’s in, now has the look of an outsider

“Oh. Is it me? Because I can leave if I'm making you nervous…”

“No no no, It’s not you. It’s um… wow I guess we haven’t really gotten the chance to talk about this. It’s um....I’m bulimic. That’s actually how I met your sister. We were both in the same ED group.

I could see the wheels spinning in his head. Probably asking himself questions about what else doesn’t he know about the mother of his children.

“Anyway for the longest time because of that, I thought I couldn’t have biological children. So being here, today with you, pregnant with  _ twins _ .” 

She looks up at him tearing up

“It’s all a little surreal, that’s all. Still wrapping my mind around it all. I’ve been in recovery for two years now after a relapse. Before that it was closer to 20, although even then I guess you're never really fully recovered. I’m not planning on going back to my old habits but there is a high chance that the weight gain will be triggering for me. And god forbid if I do something stupid the risks could be having diffulculty breastfeeding, greater chance at postpartum depression, lower infant weight. And that’s all assuming these kids will both be brought into this world, alive. But I'm going through with this anyway because I’m hoping the universe is on my side. But I get it if you have your concerns. So if there’s any last part of you that wants out, now's your chance,” she half jokes. 

The air in the room was tense, I was wondering whether I should break the ice by shifting the attention back to the sonogram or patiently wait for Kevin to say something. His mouth finally opened up before I could make the decision myself.

“You wanna know where I was two years ago. I had just broken Sophie’s heart again because I had just started a drinking problem and told her the thought of having a future with her felt like a nightmare. Emphasis on the part where kids are a part of that nightmare.

Oh boy did I make a mistake telling Madison to give this guy a chance.

“Is this supposed to be making me feel better” Madison said echoing my thoughts out loud.

“I have a point I promise. The point is I’m not even going to pretend to know what you're going through and I know we haven’t always gotten off of the best foot, and that’s my fault. I just want to let you know this is surreal for me too. But I meant it when I said I was all in. So whatever you need to get through this, I’m there. Financially, emotiotionally, all of it, because if I can go from a drunk who's terrified of the future to a sober father to be in two years then I want to believe the universe is on our side too.”

Wiping her tears “Sorry. Hormonal pregnant woman over here. Thanks Kevin.”

She smiles at him before looking over back up at me.

“You know, usually my patients tend to cry after I turn the machine on.” I said 

“I’m sorry, didn’t mean to make the room uncomfortable”, she said 

“Don’t be, it’s my job to make sure you're comfortable, plus I get paid either way”, I joked.

She laughed “Ok enough crying, let’s see how these buns are cooking because the gel is getting cold.”

That wins a small chuckle from all of us.

“Yes please” says Kevin

“Alright, I guess I should be the one to turn on the machine considering I’m the closest, and oh yeah it is my job.”

“Oh and Mr. Pearson if you were serious about the autograph thing, maybe you can make one out to my wife when we're done”

“Would love to sir,” he said. 

I turn it on and the two babies show up on screen

I looked up and saw it was now the manny’s turn to cry. I’ve seen tears in his eyes before on screen. But this wasn’t a performance for a poorly written comedy that my wife forces me to watch on Sundays. This was real, this was the same look I have whenever my daughter does something that proves she is the best thing I have to offer this world. This was the look of a father.

I look over at Madison. Clearly she also couldn’t follow her rule of no more crying because fresh new tears are falling down her face.

There was no new revelation to me behind her eyes. I recognize that look of a mother that would do anything for her children the first day she walked into my office. 

I took one last look at the both of them before looking back over on the screen. I knew Kevin and Madison have their obstacles ahead of them, but I also knew these two kids won the jackpot on parents.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

*2 months later

On my day off from the office, my daughter, Sadie and I take advantage and decide to have a movie night. But even with my steady doctor income I still refuse to pay for those prices at the snack concessions. Seriously six dollars for one small slushie, I'm good. So that brings the both of us here at the store. 

“Okay now I know you are not going to eat popcorn, takis, two bags of sour gummy worms, three chocolate bars, and a pack of nerds and drink a bottle of sprite in two hours.”

“Dad the point is not to have enough, the point is to have more than enough so you can have leftovers.”

“I don’t think that’s…”

“Make sure to grab the tea that I like” My words were interrupted by a familiar voice coming from the next aisle. 

“No its the other one”

“I know, I’m just grabbing the one I like too” Now another familiar but masculine sounding voice joined the distraction of my thoughts.

“Since when do you have a favorite tea”

“Since you. You know I used to be a coffee guy before you came into my life but you made have made quite the impression on me”

“Right, because tea is the biggest impression I made on you”

“Very funny” 

“At least tea is good for the metabolism. Men are lucky their bodies stay the same after kids. It’s actually annoying how perfect you look.”

“You think I look perfect,” the voice said smugly.

“Dad, are you gonna finish sentence” said Sadie

“Sorry hun, I thought I heard someone I know from work”

“Dr. Mason?” I looked up and saw two faces that confirmed my suspicions now walking down my aisle.

“Ms. Simons, Mr. Pearson, it’s good to see you.”

“Come on Doc, were out of the office, Madison and Kevin are fine” said Kevin

“And it’s good to see you too. And who is this pretty little thing” said Madison looking down at Sadie.

“This is my daughter, Sadie. Sadie say hi.”

“Hi, you kinda look familiar.” Sadie said pointing more towards Kevin.

“Well we’re patients of your dad so if you’ve ever visited him at work it’s possible you might of seen us in the waiting room or something.” said Madison

“Also you may recognize me from T.V.” Kevin said.

“Really from where.” said Sadie.

“I’ve been in a few movies. But you probably know me best from the show the Manny” 

“Never heard of it” said Sadie

“Oh” is what Kevin’s mouth said but his facial expression was clearly trying to pretend not to be hurt.

“So what are a sharp, young doctor and his beautiful daughter doing here today?” she asked.

“First of all you're being too nice calling me young and second of all we are here to buy snacks for the movies. Even though I think we may have over done it,” I said as I gave a jokingly stern look at my daughter.

“Yeah but come on, we all know you always want a little extra afterwards” said Kevin giving a playful wink to Sadie.

“See” Sadie said nudging at my side “Even the Manager agrees with me”

“The Manny” Kevin corrected.

“If you say so,” said Sadie followed by another hurt facial expression from Kevin.

“I would ask what are you both doing here but I’m afraid I already overheard the tea debacle from the next aisle over”

“Oh that. Kevin was just blaming me for making him a tea lover now.”

“Hey I was not blaming, I was just assigning responsibility” he retorted 

“You're responsible for it too. I had a nice balance of Starbucks in my diet before someone got paranoid after a google search and forbade me from it. “

“Oh come on you started it the first night we…” he cuts himself short as if he just realized it was not only the two of them in the conversation. I can tell it was probably for the best from the way Madison’s cheeks started blushing.

“Anyway, moving on we are not just here for tea. We are getting supplies for a gender reveal party. Or since it’s twins maybe it’s genders reveal, gender reveals? Or neither I don’t even know what the heck kids will identifying as in the future,” said Kevin

“Either way it’s going to be something small with just a few family and friends, nothing special.” said Madison

“Don’t sell yourself short. Madison here is the mastermind of the whole thing. She really is something special, isn’t she Doc?” Kevin may have been asking me that question but he was smiling down at her. 

“I could see that from the first day she walked into my office.” I responded.

“Well now you both are being too nice.” She paused. “You know what would be a good idea, if you came to the party. I mean I know it won’t be much of a reveal to you, but still it should be fun.” said Madison

“Can I come too?” said Sadie.

“Of course the more, the merrier.” said Kevin.

I wasn’t so sure about the idea. I usually don’t go as far as having personal relationships with patients outside of the office.

“That’s a nice offer, but I don’t think...”

“Will you just promise you will at least think about it?” asked Madison.

Sadie was looking up at me with the same face she gave me whenever she’s trying to get out of doing chores, and that face usually had about a fifty percent chance success rate.

“I will think about it.” I said.

“Yay!” said Sadie.

“Well we should probably get going, gender reveal parties don’t plan themselves.” she said.

“We should head out too before we miss the movie, but it was nice seeing you both.”

“You too Doc.” Kevin said as I noticed he put his arm around her side and as they left I noticed how naturally she leaned into his touch.

As they leave I whisper over to Sadie.

“You’ve watched the Manny with me and your mom”

“I know, but did you see his face?” she chuckled and looked over at them.

I gaze back over as well. Maybe it was the smile on their faces, or the small moments of domesticity between them like how you could feel the intimacy between them as they banter over silly things like who's the reason tea has become a new routine drink in their lives. But this was definitely not the same two people who first walked into my office together who were still only just beginning to learn new things about each other due to circumstance. This wasn’t just virtual strangers only obligated to each other, this was deeper, this was friendship. This was maybe, just maybe something the look of something more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The movie snack conversation may or may not have been inspired by a real conversation I had with my Aunt and I may or may not have been the Sadie.
> 
> P.S. Shoutout to @tryalittlejoytomorrow for reading my story over


	3. Chapter 3 (I'm not creative with chapter titles)

_ 1 year later _

I could estimate about 150, maybe more so guests. On my way in I spotted not one, but two ice sculptures. On every table there was a small bouquet of yellow tulips as the centerpiece. Above the dance floor there was a shimmering chandelier and off to the side there was the band playing. The altar was decorated with those string lights that look like a more expensive version of the ones that a teen girl would have in her bedroom(which I know because I bought one for Sadie last year for her birthday). I remember Kevin had mentioned to me that he never had a wedding with his family and friends for his first marriage to his highschool sweetheart. I guess he wanted to make up for that now. That want combined with Madison’s event planning skills really made for one hell of an impressive wedding. 

When I sat down I looked around at some of the other guests. I recognized a few from their gender reveal party last year. Up at the front I saw an old man who I think is Madison’s uncle, wait no, maybe Kevin’s. When I looked down I couldn’t help but notice he was wearing a very nice looking pair of Stan Smith Adidas.

Yup I decided, definitely Kevin’s uncle.

When the ceremony finally started, first walking out was the flower girl, Kevin’s niece Annie, then after came the bridesmaids and the groomsmen walking down side by side. I recognized his brother as one of the groomsmen, pretty sure he was the best man. I only knew him from photos. I’d never met him in person before because for the majority of Madison’s pregnancy, they weren’t on speaking terms. I guess they made up. 

Up next were his sister and Madison’s maid of honor Kate along with her husband Toby. Them I definitely remember because on the day the twins were born she cried after Kevin and Madison asked the two of them to be the godparents. Right now they were holding both their kids as co-ring bearers. At one point I think it was considered the twins would fill that role but it was decided the two of them are still too fussy to sit through an entire wedding ceremony silent. So instead I see them taking a nap in the arms of their grandparents in the first row. 

After all the groomsmen and bridesmaids were done came the one we’ve all been waiting for. Especially Kevin who was sparkling in the light from all the sweating he’s been doing from standing up there. I don’t know how, but someway that made him look even more handsome. Madison’s right, it really is annoying to look that good after having kids.

Finally when Madison came both bride and groom locked eyes on each as if they just discovered what heaven looked like for the first time. It’s really beautiful when you think about it. About everything that led them here to this moment now. How you can spend your whole life searching for something to fill up your soul like tea being poured into a cup. And at the one moment you stop looking for it, it shows up where you least expect it.

Each step she took closer to him you could tell not only have they found it, but also so much more than they both probably thought they deserved. 

Once she was up there the officiant got started. “I understand you have both prepared your own vows.” he said. 

“Yes, yes we have.” said Madison

“Hi. You look beautiful” said Kevin

‘You too. Well not beautiful, handsome. Well I guess guys can be beautiful too. Well I mean just...hi.” they both laughed. “I better get started on my vows before I word vomit anymore.”

Judging by the horror stories they both told me about her morning sickness this was by far much more endearing than her real vomiting.

“Kevin, I’ve always believed in love, even when it didn’t always believe in me. But I’ve been in love with just the idea of it for so long, I think I forgot what the real thing feels like. To completely allow yourself to share the most vulnerable parts of you with another human being. In the past I convinced myself to get to that point, I would have to pretend first. That I would have to only show the perky, fun side of me. God forbid show anything real because who I was on the inside never really seemed good enough. But with you I never had to pretend. Cause ironically in having no intention of falling for you, I rediscovered what it’s like to fall in love….more accurately what it’s like to let yourself be loved. You told me once you were always the one to cut and run, but in the past year or so, you have proven to me you are everything but. Instead you're the one who held my hair back when I was going through morning sickness, the one who watches the bachelor with me even though I know you are probably not interested, the one who stayed and fought, you are my home, you are my partner, you are my friend, and you are my great love story. And I vow to honor, to cherish, and to hold you for as long as we both shall live." 

"Kevin, it is now time for your vows."

“Before I get started I just wanted to say I was not pretending to like the bachelor and I think Abbie should have won last season.”

The guests let out some laughs.

“Madison, my god you're the love of my life, you know that. I told you once that my child would be the love of my life and in that moment I thought they might be the one and only. But you proved me wrong, and that’s not just because literally two seconds later you told me we were having twins, but because afterwards I got to know you, and your big heart, and your beautiful soul and all of a sudden I got more loves of my life than I bargained for. Before our family my whole life just felt like a series of turns that were opposite from how it was supposed to be and now, well now I know I made some mistakes throughout my life and messed up couple of good things but it doesn’t haunt me as much anymore because it brought me here with us ready to spend the rest of our lives together. Now I look back and I know I wouldn’t change a thing. I love you Madison and I vow to honor, to cherish, and to hold you for as long as we both shall live." 

The officiant then gave the typical script that officiants usually gives at these things

“You may now kiss the bride,” the officiant said.

“Finally” Kevin said right before he went to pull Madison closer to him and kissed her as if it gave them both the air they needed to breathe.

“ It's my great honor and privilege to be the first to present to you Mr. and Mrs. Pearson!,” said the officiant.

* * *

After the ceremony, everyone was on the dance floor. At this point the couple was making their way through the swarms of people, socializing with the guests. I guess now it was my turn because I saw Madison making her way towards me. 

“How are you Doc” she said

“Madison, I’m at your wedding. I’m pretty sure now you can call me Eli.” I said.

“Nah, you’ll always be Doc to us.”

“I see you already started.” I remarked

“What?” she asked 

“You already started thinking of yourself as part of an us. You could’ve said to me, but you said to us. As someone who has been married for the past fifteen years, let me tell you you’ll be doing it a lot more from now on.” 

“I’m looking forward to it.” She looked at the dance floor watching her newly wedded husband. He had just been pulled to dance with a woman I’m pretty sure was old enough to be his mother.

“You know I should be thanking you.” she said. 

“I just bought you whatever I thought no one else was getting from your registry, no need to thank me.” 

“I’m not talking about a signed Kordell Stewart jersey., Kevin’s idea by the way. I’m talking about when you told me it was too early to give up on him, to give him a chance to be himself. It gave me the courage I needed to go talk to him. I don’t know if I would’ve otherwise.”

“Come on what were you gonna do, keep it a secret forever.”

“Maybe. I had a whole idea where I would go on a trip to Greece, seduce multiple guys into falling in love with me and write about all of them in my diary so when my kids go snooping through my stuff they won’t be able tell which one’s their birth father.

“Isn’t that the plot of Mamma mia?” I asked.

“Yes, yes it is.”

“What would you have done if it ended up not like the movie and they wanted a paternity test”

“I don’t know I figured I had enough time until then to come up with something.” she chuckled. I couldn’t help but join in and laugh too. 

“You know Sadie was the one who gave me that advice. She was talking about our new horse when she said it, but I thought it could apply to your situation too.”

“Are you telling me I defined the rest of my life based off of a horse”

“No better than the plot of Mamma Mia...or lemons”

She looked confused.

“Kevin told me.” I clarified 

“Ahh, make sense.”

There was a silent pause before I spoke again. 

“No. I may have given you a little push but you and Kevin did all the work. You chose each other. I can’t take credit for that. Plus weren’t you listening to your own vows, you underestimate yourself. Trust me something tells me you would have found that strength on your own one way or another.”

She looked like she was about to respond but just as I finished that statement the band switched to a new song and the lights dimmed. Kevin was looking around to see where his wife was. His head turned to our direction and he smiled softly as if to say, found her.

“That’s my cue. I think my husband wants our first dance. I love saying that  _ my  _ husband.”

“Congratulations, almost forgot to tell you.”

“You didn’t have to. Now I should go because I’m pretty sure Toby’s mom been eyeing my man all night and if I don’t act now she might make her move.”

She made her way over to Kevin sparing him from another moment of keeping him waiting

“Ladies and gentlemen having their first dance as husband and wife, Mr and Mrs. Pearson.” said the lead singer.

_ And I will find my strength to untape my mouth _

_ When I used to be afraid of the words _

_ But with you I've learned just to let it out _

_ Now my heart is ready to burst _

I listened to the band's cover of the lyrics and thought it suited them nicely. 

_ Cause I, I feel like I'm ready for love _

_ And I wanna be your everything and more _

_ And I know every day you say it _

_ But I just want you to be sure _

_ That I'm yours _

I saw their faces and there it was, it was every single look over the past year or so culminated together and so much more. Coparents, friendship, and love.

That was it, the look of love. The kind that would last them a lifetime. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song lyrics come from the song I'm yours by Ella Henderson


End file.
